4 weeks 2 days
So now I'm pregnant. I know, there should be an exclamation point. On baby central they use the term BFP (Big F---ing Positive). Clearly it is a big deal. But it is hard to be excited when I know the realities.
Everyone I know miscarried the first time. I'm only 4wks pregnant. Just a blob at that point. I'm 40. So much can still go wrong. I am more likely to miscarry than not. So it is hard to get overjoyed. I'm usually an optimist, and those of you reading this would think I am a complete buzz kill. However, I don't want to start naming the baby before I have even gotten past the point where I can see my baby on ultrasound.
I did make an appointment for that. Nearly 3 weeks from now. A long time to wait. Every day I go to the bathroom and half expect to see my period. So far so good.
My husband is like me, and has had similar feelings. He's been to 18weeks and then miscarried, so he knows what it is like to get really into it and have it all go wrong. That being said, we wonder aloud what our child will look like (will have a VERY thick head of hair), what they will act like (probably like his daughter who is remarkably similar to me...only moreso), what the name could be (already picked out for a girl, no clue what it would be for a boy)...
How am I feeling? Honestly, early stages of pregnancy are remarkably like PMS. Sore breasts, a little weepy, and a little crampy. I think the dull aches are from the implantation process of the baby into the uterus. The parasite (i.e. miracle child) is boring a hole into my uterus. Makes sense that would hurt a little.
While we are mostly keeping this under wraps, there are a few select people who know. Mostly because I need an outlet to talk about it or I will go insane.
(Note the posting is not completely contemporaneous with my actual dates at this point because I started the blog a week after all of this is taking place...so there will be a few posts this week as I catch up and will eventually have a weekly posting to reflect the actual time frame.)
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Diary of my Pregnancy - 40 year old first timer
So I'm creating a pregnancy diary. It has been recommended I do this on multiple baby websites, so why not do it on a blog? Exactly. Which brings me to...
In brief, I got married last year, to a widower with two children. He went through all the fertility issues with his first wife, without much success, and a lot of heartbreak. His first child is adopted, and his second is via a surrogate. I did not want to put him through that again. However, as it stated in the title, I'm 40 years old now. I knew my odds were not good. Actually, the natural way, my odds were 5%/month likelihood of getting pregnant naturally.
Another way of stating this is a 1 in 20 month shot of trying versus succeeding. Since we only started trying 5 months ago, we are actually way ahead of the curve in that sense.
How did I find out? I was not obsessive about the process. I did buy a pack of three pregnancy tests last May when we started trying.
I found out because my iperiod iPhone app, where I diligently enter in my first day of menstrual cycle, tracks my fertility periods and when my expected periods are.
As an MD, you'd think I'd be able to remember when my LMP was each month, but no. I never can get that straight. My patients always seem to know, which is a marvel to me. They don't know what medicines they take, or what medical problems they have, whether they got vaccines, or even what the previous doctor said to them. But they always know their last menstrual period.
So I use an app, because apple says, "There's an app for that." And there is. Free too.
I was headed to work and checked my phone and my iperiod app announced "Your period is 1 day late!" And I have never in my life been late. I've been early--always ranging between 25-28 day/month cycles. Lately I'm nearly 27-28 day/month cycles. Something about getting married has made me more regular (and more fertile perhaps?).
I called my husband and let him know (we discuss everything) and he said "Hmmm" and I said "Hmmm" and we were like, we'll see what happens during my shift. Perhaps something will show up during my shift.
Something did show up--a dizzy spell. Very brief, and related to sympathetic pain of a severe bone injury. I sat down, drank some juice, and was fine afterwards. I used to get episodes like this frequently in med school and residency as the shock of something painful would cause a brief drop in my already low blood pressure (a known phenomenon called orthostatic hypotension from a vasovagal event). [It is such a soap opera cliche that no matter how old, the female who passes out is diagnosed as being pregnant]
Since I hadn't had something like this in a decade, and I know that blood pressure drops in pregnancy, I went "Hmmm" to myself.
And then I went home after my shift, opened up the second of three pregnancy tests and immediately got a deep pink line. Just one. So, no pregnancy, right? Oh wait, you are supposed check after 3 full minutes, not 30 seconds [bad doctor!]. So I watched a little longer and a faint line appeared to the right. And it got darker and darker. So I am pregnant! For real.
To be continued...
In brief, I got married last year, to a widower with two children. He went through all the fertility issues with his first wife, without much success, and a lot of heartbreak. His first child is adopted, and his second is via a surrogate. I did not want to put him through that again. However, as it stated in the title, I'm 40 years old now. I knew my odds were not good. Actually, the natural way, my odds were 5%/month likelihood of getting pregnant naturally.
Another way of stating this is a 1 in 20 month shot of trying versus succeeding. Since we only started trying 5 months ago, we are actually way ahead of the curve in that sense.
How did I find out? I was not obsessive about the process. I did buy a pack of three pregnancy tests last May when we started trying.
I found out because my iperiod iPhone app, where I diligently enter in my first day of menstrual cycle, tracks my fertility periods and when my expected periods are.
As an MD, you'd think I'd be able to remember when my LMP was each month, but no. I never can get that straight. My patients always seem to know, which is a marvel to me. They don't know what medicines they take, or what medical problems they have, whether they got vaccines, or even what the previous doctor said to them. But they always know their last menstrual period.
So I use an app, because apple says, "There's an app for that." And there is. Free too.
I was headed to work and checked my phone and my iperiod app announced "Your period is 1 day late!" And I have never in my life been late. I've been early--always ranging between 25-28 day/month cycles. Lately I'm nearly 27-28 day/month cycles. Something about getting married has made me more regular (and more fertile perhaps?).
I called my husband and let him know (we discuss everything) and he said "Hmmm" and I said "Hmmm" and we were like, we'll see what happens during my shift. Perhaps something will show up during my shift.
Something did show up--a dizzy spell. Very brief, and related to sympathetic pain of a severe bone injury. I sat down, drank some juice, and was fine afterwards. I used to get episodes like this frequently in med school and residency as the shock of something painful would cause a brief drop in my already low blood pressure (a known phenomenon called orthostatic hypotension from a vasovagal event). [It is such a soap opera cliche that no matter how old, the female who passes out is diagnosed as being pregnant]
Since I hadn't had something like this in a decade, and I know that blood pressure drops in pregnancy, I went "Hmmm" to myself.
And then I went home after my shift, opened up the second of three pregnancy tests and immediately got a deep pink line. Just one. So, no pregnancy, right? Oh wait, you are supposed check after 3 full minutes, not 30 seconds [bad doctor!]. So I watched a little longer and a faint line appeared to the right. And it got darker and darker. So I am pregnant! For real.
To be continued...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)